Why we freak out
This may come as a shock to you (unless you really know me).
I sometimes have a tendency to have very minor (almost unnoticeable) freak outs when things don’t go the way I want them to. Maybe it’s a person who makes a decision that affects me. Sometimes it’s minor inconveniences. It’s quite often the WiFi. Today I had a rental car break down on me at a remote home in the mountains. It’s too fresh to start getting into it right now. But it resulted a bit of a freak out.
Whatever causes it, I’m slowly learning to turn down the freak out, and I’m beginning to catch myself after the initial, “What the…!”
The reason I want to stop the freak out sessions is that I’ve realized how it affects my family and others around me. I’ve noticed that it changes the atmosphere in the room from happy and peaceful to tense and chaotic.
The same thing happens when we are passionately agitated about something and just won’t shut up about it. This mostly happens when talking about politics. Friendships have been shattered and families destroyed because of our zeal for a certain ideology and people we don’t really know.
Still we don’t stop. We hang onto a highly contagious, self-induced stress.
What are we trying to accomplish with our freak outs? Sure, we might get our way from time to time because people feel the need to appease our mood. But is that a win? Overall, I’d call it a big loss.
Blowing Our Top
Freak outs are a dead giveaway to a lack of inner peace. Not that we’re devoid of peace or peaceful times, but it doesn’t take much for us to lose it. It’s like a video I recently saw of an active volcano that was not actively erupting. It had a top layer of cooled lava that seemed fine and everything looked good on the surface. But a relatively small rock that fell in breached the top layer causing an active eruption.
We’re like that sometimes. We can be fine until something relatively small—an irritation; an inconvenience; a personal preference that others don’t share; something that doesn’t go the way we want it to—sparks an active eruption. Those unfortunate enough to be near get burned. We bury people under the hot lava flow of unchecked emotion and words.
It may not last long, but damage is done. Often the people we care about the most are affected most deeply.
Those close to us begin to develop defense mechanisms. They’ve learned to tread lightly on the egg shells we throw down. I know this because I’ve experienced it. I’m the first to admit that there have been times I’ve not been easy to live with.
Finding Peace
It’s no one else’s responsibility to make sure falling rocks don’t breach the surface tension of our emotions. Rocks are going to fall in. The difference between humans and volcanos is that we have a choice. We have power and control over ourselves. We don’t have to erupt.
Finding inner peace might sound like a challenging mystical journey. It’s not, but it does require a little faith. Consider practicing a few things every day…
Start the day by spending time in prayer and meditation, giving the day and everything that happens in it to God.
Be mindful. Try to recognize the opportunities to bring light and life to those around you. We all have the power to bring life or death in our words and actions. Choose life.
This one is harder… What do you do when you’re minding your own business and a rock falls onto your cooled surface? Well, our first reaction to putting out a fire is to blow it out. So do that. Breathe.
Ask, “How does this affect my life?” It won’t take long to figure out that most of what irritates us are only minor inconveniences. This can reveal things about us that we may have been blind to like our own selfishness and impatience.
Don’t raise your voice. Even if you are still feeling the steam of pent up lava, keep your voice low.
Think the better of others. I’ll be writing a post soon about giving people the benefit of the doubt when motivations are not clear. Just keep in mind that your family is most likely not trying to hurt you. Your co-workers are most likely not plotting against you. Of course there are exceptions when you find yourself in a volatile situation, but most of our freak outs happen over little things.
Don’t complain to others. If we are genuinely thinking well of others, this shouldn’t be an issue. Gossip only increases your tense feelings. So don’t add gas to the fire.
These, of course, are only recommendations. They are what I try to do.
Know Thyself
Most of us know ourselves but have difficulty being honest with ourselves. It’s hard to admit that we may have a character flaw. It’s much easier to blame the Irish roots. But deep down, you know if you are the freak out type. If you’re not sure, ask the people who spend the most time around you.
Just don’t freak out when they’re honest with you.
